alice

I’ve ended up completely loving my job.

Really and honestly and completely. I don’t want to leave.

I’ve learnt that things always work out. Maybe in a different way to how you imagined it, or how you think you wanted it, but it’s always for the best. Even when things go wrong, it’s for the best. It didn’t happen any other way, and it never will again. It’s been and gone, so I think just make the most of what’s happened, and think of it in a good light. I really have found that everything always works out, you know. Everything that scares me and worries me and wastes my time because I spend ages thinking, oh god, how do I do that?. It all works out. And it’s not because I’m a ‘lucky’ person, and everything always goes right for me. It’s because I want it to work out, and I believe it does. That’s who I am as a person. Plenty of stuff doesn’t go exactly as I would perhaps like it to, but it doesn’t really piss me off or get me angry, because I don’t like being angry and I don’t like feeling pissed off.

Stuff just happens, and I kinda believe everything happens for a reason. When something goes wrong, it forces you to find a solution and resolve the situation.

Enough of the philosophical shit haha.

Put into practice.

Like when I had to raise some invoices and bill them correctly. We’re talking lots of thousands of pounds for these. It came through to my inbox late on a Friday afternoon, and I spent all weekend worrying about it because I had tried and I had no idea how to do it. It was urgent but nobody else knew either. I wasted that whole weekend worrying about it. And on Monday morning when I went in to work, I had a chat with a manager, and she helped me through it.

And at the start of this year I had to help initiate and deliver a whole project across the whole of the IT department (that’s ~10,000 colleagues ;)). I was one of the representatives for the area I work in. I went on a 3 day course in November to learn more, ended up more confused, and although the project got some negative feedback at first, overall it’s working well. My lack of knowledge of the company in general, as I’ve not been here long, disadvantages me from helping more. But I help a bit. I can usually sort people’s common problems with this system.

I guess what I’m really trying to say, is that this stuff doesn’t scare me anymore. I like these challenges. Sure, I’ve found this job very challenging indeed, and sometimes really quite difficult. I’ve learnt so much. I’ve developed so much. But overall my time spent working here in this job has been really great. I honestly have really enjoyed myself. I don’t care if that makes you think I’m sad. I don’t think it does. I think when it comes to jobs and a working life, the most important thing is to enjoy your job. It’s not about money. It’s about liking your job. Lucky for me, I managed this best of both worlds

I am really sad to be leaving work. I honestly am. I do wish I could stay on a bit. When I first started I didn’t know how I would last it through 3 months (my initial contract), let alone, the 7 months I then extended it to. I found the work boring and tedious, and I didn’t understand a single thing. I felt a bit useless, and very, very, very young. It was strange in a way to be in a real working environment, and doing something for a living. It felt weird! All the people around me had families and homes and mortgages and, in general, a life. I always knew this was a temp job, that was obvious, but it felt so weird. I never hated the work. I didn’t really dislike it, but at the same time, I didn’t like it much either. It was strange to suddenly have hardly any free time, working 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, a very surreal experience for me at the time.

I don’t know exactly what changed, but something did. I’m always a positive person. I always thought, there is no point moaning and complaining about how much work sucks, so even when I had had a boring or difficult day in the office, I didn’t let it get to me. At the end of the day (ha, literally), you step out of the office at 4pm, go home, relax, and that’s when your life starts. Work to live, not live to work. That’s what I always thought.

Work is just one of those things you have to get used to. At first, because I had never been in full-time employment before, I found it very tiring and very surreal. I couldn’t imagine how people do this every day, some of them will be doing it for the rest of their lives. And I couldn’t see how. But now I can. You need to be engaged with the work. When I first started, I didn’t know anything in the slightest about the work, I didn’t understand a word people were saying, people asked me to do stuff, but I didn’t understand why, I just did it. Over the last 7 months I’ve worked here, this knowledge has developed. Now when I go to meetings and people discuss their billion acronyms and their project names and their codenames and stuff, I know. I still don’t know how they work and I have nothing to do with them or anything, but over this time, through listening, I know what people are referring to. I know what they mean.

It’s such a nice feeling.

The best thing about this job, well, one of the best things, is the professionalism. Everything works, and if it doesn’t, or it stops working, someone fixes it. If there’s something wrong, if you’re having issues with your work, your manager and your team are there to support you. Everyone’s opinion is as valid as the next, whether you’re a high level manager, or you’re a lowly contractor like me haha.

I’ve definitely improved in my role, for sure. I get a lot of praise, for both doing the work so well, and doing it quickly. It’s work which hardly matters, just little things, like arranging meetings, creating reports and documents, organising diaries and presentations, attending meetings and documenting them. And so forth. General admin work. It sounds quite boring, doesn’t it? It’s actually not! Before I worked here, if somebody said to me ‘you’re going to work in an Admin role in an office for 35 hours a week’, I would have been utterly put off. I had this image in my head of being stuck in a dingy, messy office, stacks of files and folders and papers everywhere, filing cabinets overflowing, a million sheets and documents to fill in every day, and the worst thing, doing the exact same thing day in, day out.

But it’s not. Sure, it’s not the most exciting job in the world. It’s not what I want to work in for the rest of my life. But honestly, it’s been an amazing experience. It really has. It’s not the same thing every day. Things change. There’s always something new to do, or learn how to do. There’s always areas I can help people out with. Sure, at times it’s a bit quiet on my workfront, so I go and ask people if they need anything doing. People have told me they really appreciate that I go and offer to help. I don’t really see it as offering to help, I’m just doing my job Anyway, they give me their notes to type up, or a presentation to jazz up, or some info about so-and-so project I can then contact people and do the research for them. I was put in charge of a few spreadsheets, keeping track of updates, making sure all is correct. It doesn’t sound much, now does it, but it is. This constant change stream of work is good. I like it. Over time, I’ve been given more responsibility, I’ve been given new jobs to do. Minor things, but they’re all signs of my improvement.

I always thought for the first few months I was doing a lousy job. I was sure the girl who did the job before me was still remembered by everyone and they missed her and her ability to do stuff well. I tried my best, though, of course. One thing I remember, probably the first time I thought ‘wow, I’m actually doing a decent job’ was in about November-ish time. One guy, X, whom I had never really spoken to that much before (tell you the truth, he was very senior and intelligent, didn’t have a great sense of humour, and I was a little bit afraid of him!), came to me one day at my desk, sat down with a piece of paper in his hands, and said “Can you do me a favour? I’ve been told you’re absolutely fabulous at arranging meetings.”

Haha. I didn’t know what to say. Okay okay okay I KNOW, having the ability of arranging a meeting is not the thing to be most proud of in the world. But it was the main thing I was doing at the time, and wow it was nice to hear I was doing a good job of it! A few other people also later commented how fast and efficient I was with the tasks they gave me.

It made me smile.

Shortly before Christmas, the managers in the team and myself had a chat about my role, how I was getting on, did I enjoy it, etc. There’s 5 of them, they’re all really nice, and whereas at first I found them a bit daunting, as they’re all extremely high level managers, over time I have got to know them really well, and really, they’re just lovely. They work hard, but they’re still always approachable and friendly. Well, one of them in particular I found scarier than the others Anyway, the main manager, M, said, pretty much out of the blue, that I was doing a fantastic job and he was so glad to have me in the team. I was really pretty shocked. The others agreed. Ha I didn’t know what to say, I wasn’t aware I was doing such a good job. I mean, I thought I was doing pretty well, I was always on top of my work, I did it quickly and well, I took care in what I did, and made sure I did it as well as I could, I’m just like this, I do things well, I take my time with them to get them right, but at the same time, I don’t dawdle and spend ages on a tiny little task. Anyway. But it comes back to what I was saying about everyone’s opinion is valued. I thought, I’m pretty low-down in the team, in fact I’m at the bottom, in terms of role importance and stuff. By that I mean, if I were to quit, or not come to work for a few weeks or so, it would hardly matter. If one of the seniors did that, the team, and company in turn, would suffer. You know what I mean. So I thought, sure, it’s their duty as managers (and my managers) to make sure I’m all okay and stuff, but that’s it, y’know. They all work really hard, and long hours, they won’t have time to worry about how I’m getting on, really. But no, each and every one of them was sitting at this table telling me how much they appreciated my work. They may have been lying ha, I don’t care, but I knew they weren’t.

I like that the senior execs appreciate the lowest of the low.

That’s what I mean by professionalism.

I feel like if I suggest something, if I say something, I am heard, and my opinion is considered worthwhile. I don’t usually have much to add in meetings or anything, but sometimes, I do. And people around the table look at me, and they listen to me. Sometimes, I just ask questions when I feel this is something I should know more about. And my questions are answered. Obviously not in-depth and detailed, but enough for me to know to get by. I feel able to speak my mind and I know people will listen.

I just love it. This company is fantastic, I have worked with some truly fantastic people, and I’ve had a fantastic time.

I’m sad to be leaving. I don’t want to! In all honesty, I could see myself doing this job for a good year or two. It’s not my career choice, I don’t like the idea of spending my life doing this, but for now, for a temp job, it’s the absolute best job. I’ve gained so much experience from it. But not only that, I know as a person, I have done nothing but improved, no end. I have so much more confidence, understanding, and intelligence from my time working here. I feel professional, I feel responsible, and yes, I feel confident. That’s one of the most important things, confidence. It’s what I needed most really. I love this job for giving me that. I love this job for making me develop as a person, because it’s not the job itself that just handed me a plate of confidence. It’s through my day-to-day work that I have learned how to be confident, how to do things well in the workplace, and how to come to terms with the fact that in all absolute honesty, I love to work. During the week, I would rather be at work than at home.

Honestly.

OOOH I hope I can come back to the summer. It might be possible. Is there something wrong with me, wanting to come back to work for the summer :/ NOPE.

I’m worried that I’ll come back from travels in June, and regret leaving. I don’t want to get a summer job working in a shop or something. I want my old job here back I do want to come back and work all summer for the company. In fact I don’t want to leave at all. It’s funny how work has set me free. How it’s made me feel so good and positive and happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I do still want to leave and I can’t wait to go and see (a bit of) the world! It’s about 3 weeks til I go, and wow am I excited! But at the same time… it’s weird to be leaving this job.

My leaving day will have come sooner or later. I will regret it forever if I miss this opportunity to see the world now when I am young and rich and free. I probably won’t get another of these chances for years and years to come. Not a long period of time (a few months) where I can be totally and utterly free to do what I want, where I want, when I want. I can’t miss this.

I will miss work so much. Isn’t that odd? BUT I will keep in contact for sure. I enquired through my contract agency about any possibilities of summer temp jobs, and yeah, I was told they always have summer temp positions, and that I should keep in touch if I’m interested, because I’ll be top of the list as they know how reliable/hardworking I am! SCORE! And that goes for every summer I’m home for uni. I am set for the next few years! Aces.

YEAH and okay it won’t be in my lovely department and team I’m in now, but it’ll still be great to be back here. I just think it’s a really mint company. Ideally I would absolutely love to come back and work in this department again (it’s utterly fantastic), but they don’t have much temp jobs. Well, I say not much, I mean none at all I will miss the people I work with, I realise now I’ve made some good friends here. Have a couple on le book of faces so hopefully we will keep in touch. It might be possible for me to rejoin this summer though. Mebbe. I spent yesterday with the ‘new me’, ie my replacement. She is very nice, but she’s just looking for a temp job. She said she wants to move to London at the start of the summer, so was taking this job to earn money between now and then. I didn’t say anything but inside I was thinking OH YES PLEASE MOVE and then I will take my job back for the summer YAY.

I know I should leave, and I will definitely leave of course, it’s all set in stone. But argh. Tis difficult and sad. My job is fantastic and I don’t want to let it go

I have one week left of work. Five days exactly.

I remember when it was like 9 weeks left. I remember when it was flipping November and I had months and months to go. Why do you fly by so fast, time? I’d like you to slow down right now.

I waited so long, and now I taste jasmine on my tongue. And I feel so proud to be alive. And I feel so proud when the reckoning arrives.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 13th, 2008 at 7:51 pm and is filed under Life, Work related stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.